If I am honest with you and even more honest with myself I started writing the blog for He Who Laughs to speak truth about mental health, about grief, and to make authentic connections with others who could relate to the space I am in. The blog was and is an outlet for my journey.
Initially in starting the blog I was “all in” to writing as a form of expression and connection. However, the start of this year I have struggled with writing. Not because I don’t write, but because writing and sharing publicly opens the door for others to see me. When I do the work for He Who Laughs or even for my business, I do it because I believe it is one means for me and my family to leave the world better than we found it.
Now you might be thinking or questioning my statement about others “seeing me.” In order to grow both businesses and to form authentic connections, I have to be willing to share some of my life. I recognize this truth and own it. I do however, also believe that just because I share parts of my life does not meant that you know me. You know that parts of me that I wish to share. This sharing also is an unspoken invitation for others to critique or compare me to others in similar shoes.
It boggles my brain to think that some people would dare say they know me or how I feel because of what they see online or by word of mouth from others. That is not the connection I was seeking. That is what I would call association or even gossip. I stopped writing and sharing publicly because this space I flow in is not for everyone.
What is authentic connection?
Authentic connection is presence over perfection. It might mean sitting with someone without ever saying a single word. Some connections can feel easy to make and perhaps even feels like a homecoming of sorts. Other connections require work and ask us whether or not we wish to put down our masks. Now before you get all excited, WE ALL wear masks.
We wear masks to self protect our vulnerabilities. When we find people who are home like and exude warmth, those masks come down. We can enter into a sharing of space that is authentic and safe. A place where words don’t have to be spoken and yet, the other person seems to know or relate to the contents of your heart. It has been my experience that there are some amazing humans that have crossed my path, especially since my grief journey started.
I find myself being painfully honest with those people as they see ALL that I am. I find myself stumbling over my words when we connect because perfection is not attainable. Sometimes, I drop off the face of the planet from time to time because my heart hurts, and I push those individuals away to self protect. I am grateful they wait for me to catch up. Their patience and grace reminds that I am indeed enough and I am worthy of having those connections.
Authentic connections can add depth to your life. You might even find someone or something you didn’t know you needed. The universe has a funny way of bringing the right people to you even when you are not looking to expand your circle. I know our connections changed when Suicide: The Club No One Wants In kicked in our front door and set us in motion towards a life without one of our children physically.
How have authentic connections been part of your journey?