Am I enough? How often this phrase runs through my mind is really quite ridiculous. I am a fairly confident person. You would have to be somewhat confident and secure to run a small yoga business, as well as, be an advocate for mental wellness, right?

Knowing your worth and believing what you feel with every fiber of your being is a priceless gift.  When the world gets loud, dumpster fires burn, and the incessive chatter begins to take hold of your attention it is so easy to find yourself in a dark place.  The National Institute of Mental Illness shares that 1 in 5 adults in the United States lives with a mental illness. That translates roughly to 52 million individuals as of 2020 living with a mental health diagnosis.

If I know my worth, then why is this question so tricky?

I truly believe that several things that make this a slippery slope.  For instance, the glorifying of the “hustle culture.”  Earlier in my life, I thought the work hard mentality was a direct link to impact my level of success.  I mean if I work hard I would be successful, right?  Not exactly.  Working hard in life is not a guarantee of anything.  What it does mean, is that it can be dangerously negative on our productivity, mental health, and overall sense of who we are in the moment if a work life balance is not found.

Another avenue that impacts the ongoing saga of “am I enough” is the introduction of social media.  Netflix released in 2020 the documentary, The Social Dilemma.  What an eye opening pause to think that what connects us, can also control or manipulate us. I think the most alarming statistic from the American Journal of Epidemiology in 2017 reports, “the higher social media use correlated with self reported declines in mental and physical health and life satisfaction. ”

My first attempt many years ago at social media was Myspace.  Yes, I know I am aging myself and for inquiring minds, Myspace is still active and well.  I have since moved on to Facebook and then added Instragram.  I have never added anything beyond the above.  Knowing the strain it places on my emotional and physical health I try hard to limit my use.  The sneaky culprit of comparison creeps in the more I am online and it can wreck me in a day if I am not careful.  Anyone else feel this truth?  Comparison is the thief of joy, as well as your wellness.

Social media is not real life and there is no accountability.

How many selfies does it take for you to find the one YOU like enough to post? How many filter options are available for you to glam up your photo or to make yourself look perfect?  Friends, perfection is overrated and I know first hand if I see one more post about back fat and how to eliminate it I might lose my mind.  It has taken a lot of work for me to meet myself as I am. Being a larger boned individual with boobs (yes, I said it), teaching yoga and wellness means I open myself up for unsolicited feedback per the unspoken rules on social media.  My favorite has been “you don’t look like a yoga teacher” or “are you sure you should be teaching or doing that?”  The last comment came after Isaac died and individuals questioned my ability to be a lightworker.

I have tried the majority of my life to be as authentic as possible.  I suppose being a social worker was paving the way for the path that is now before me.  This push became even more real after losing Isaac to suicide,  and realizing just how broken we really are as humans even when we wouldn’t dare admit it.  To be in the flesh the love and compassion that was missing from key points in my life gave birth to He Who Laughs and Anahata Mosaic. Social media use is inevitable in my world.  It is used to market, encourage, and extend our reach in this digital age.

I do however, struggle with the way it can impact my mental and emotional health.  It is so easy to go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole and lose yourself. Personal comparisons to business comparisons to the amount of likes or follows.  The cycle is endless and can be brutal. I may have thick skin thanks to the many years as a practicing social worker, but I am still human.

Being human in the wellness industry is taxing.

Let’s be honest, I am not tacos or pizza so inevitably I will not make everyone happy.

Owning two small businesses and trying to make ends meet will always lead to me asking, “Am I enough?” Not because I failed or am striving to be better, but because my efforts directly support my family’s livelihood and the legacy of our efforts to championing mental and physical wellness as equals.  Being authentically present in an industry that is more than happy for me to lose myself or asks for me to change to fit in is maddening.  Having a love hate relationship with social media and the glorification of hustling is a daily pause in our home.  I hope some day we can return to a simpler time and unplug more.

Tell me, what have you done to moderate the impact of social media on your mental wellness?