Suicide devastated our world on the morning of September 23, 2019. It was the morning our family was forever changed when Isaac took his life. Suicide kicked in the front door of our home and made itself right at home without warning. Without consent or any precursor the life we knew was gone. The life we had planned for our family of four was ripped from our grasp. We found ourselves inducted into a club that no one wants in.
Our oldest son, Isaac, is forever 18. There was never any indications that he had contemplated thoughts of self harm or had a plan that would end his life. This is our last family picture taken 7 weeks before Isaac died. His smile was genuine, his laughter infectious. I cherish this picture for many reasons.
Isaac’s death brought much darkness to my life. Many tears were shed with an ongoing invitation to transform how I hold space with people and the world. If you were to ask me how I am doing, I am pretty sure I would say that “the world is too loud” most days and that the overwhelming technology connectedness exhausts my spirit. I often find myself retreating to our home where I spend time gardening, laughing, crying, and readily admitting that I don’t know how to live without him physically, yet I try.
Time has softened the discussion on how we live physically without Isaac. My heart yearns for the human who first made me a mother. I long to watch him and Gabe engage each other; to hear them plan out the details of getting an apartment together, and the sense of security I had as a parent knowing they were together. I miss watching them be brothers and each other’s best friend.
Suicide robbed me of the life I wanted with my boys.
Suicide has zero boundaries. It is a wound that forever bleeds. My days are spent running my yoga studio, normalizing grief conversations, and trying to figure out how to befriend my companion of grief. I live life for me and my son who took part of me with him when he died.
Suicide forever changed the course of my life, the life of my family, and the life of the people who now watch us navigate this ache. Suicide awareness prevention is key in decreasing the lives lost to suicide each year. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that in 2019 an alarming 47,511 Americans died by suicide with suicide attempts coming in at an estimated 1.38 million. That places suicide as the 10th leading cause of death in America. In Ohio, it is the second leading cause of death for individuals between 10-34 years of age.
Statistics About Suicide in America
- the rate of suicide is highest among middle-aged white men (45-54 years of age)
- it is estimated that in America there are 130 suicides per day
- men die by suicide 3.63x more often than women
Additional facts can be found by visiting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
If you would like statistical information about suicide for your specific state please click AFSP State Fact Sheets
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of harm, please reach out for help. The National Suicide Lifeline is available 24/7, 800.273.8255, or you can text TALK to 741741.
Thank you for creating this blog and for sharing your story in such a transparent way. The suicide statistics are shocking and tragic. Almost everybody, it seems, knows at least one, or in many cases multiple families, who have “had their front door kicked in” by suicide, suddenly and unexpectedly changing their lives forever. Your story resonates with those who have lost a loved one to suicide and hopefully to those who may be contemplating suicide, helping them realize they are not alone and encouraging them to seek help.
Thank you, Carla. The statistics are tragic and I hope that in sharing our journey we can continue to encourage others that they are never alone.